Struggle

Struggle: to contend resolutely with a task, problem, etc.; strive (dictionary.com)

I have been struggling lately. I don’t know where I am supposed to go. I have a passion, I have a dream, I thought I knew what I wanted to do. I have not even been able to come up with a new post lately.

Here I am, writing about what I am struggling with. I am struggling to find a job I will love. I do not want to take just any job. I do not want to take the first job offered to me. I want my skills and abilities to benefit the company and I want the company to provide me with something meaningful. I do not want to be miserable to just make money. It isn’t worth that feeling. I have had that feeling.

I am struggling inside my head. I keep thinking I am not good enough. I do not qualify. All of the confidence I gained during my internship is quickly fading away. I need to feel useful, confident, and needed. I need a place where my ideas are welcomed and appreciated. I need a place that allows me to express myself, to be creative, to problem solve, and somewhere that will challenge me to be a better person and continue to learn about new trends, ideas, and topics.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I know God has a plan for me. I know it will be revealed in God’s time. Unfortunately, I like to know what’s coming and when. I like timelines and deadlines. I like plans to be clearly outlined. I need to remain faithful, persistant in prayer, and remain in God because he has a glorious plan for my life.

This song has become somewhat of an anthem for me lately:

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

~Lord I Need You by Matt Maher

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Reflection

I see my reflection everyday when I look in my bathroom mirror when I put my contacts in, brush my hair, brush my teeth, etc. I will admit, I never really look at my reflection or myself.

Today, I not only saw my reflection in a window, but I looked at my reflection. I was seeing this from the corner of my eye, with my head turned toward the window. I did not like what I saw. I thought I looked ugly and fat from that angle and body position.

I changed my position, I changed the way I was looking at myself. I stood up a little taller, I made myself look straight ahead, and squared my shoulders. I saw myself as beautiful and confident. I saw myself differently. I saw myself as I want to be seen.

If you don’t like what you see in yourself, change your position. If you don’t like what you see in the world, change it. If you don’t like what you see, make a change.

There are so many people fighting to change their world for the better, you can do the same. The internet provides us with a vast amount of knowledge, suggestions, ideas, etc. Use the countless number of resources you have available to you at your fingertips. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, or that your opinion doesn’t matter.

You CAN. Your opinion DOES matter. Fight for what you believe in, fight for your beauty, fight for your confidence, fight.

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In light of the mass shootings happening, I think I should clearly state that you should not fight with physical violence, but rather in way that stands up for what you believe in without resorting to violence.

I am saddened by what has happened in Orlando and Dallas. These people resorting ambushing innocent people and murdering them are not confident beautiful people. They are cowardly and ugly people who do not deserve the attention they are getting. The victims and their families deserve all of our attention, love, and support during such a scary and difficult time in their lives.

We must rally around those suffering from these tragedies and provide them the same comfort and love we have received.

“Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! He is the Father who is compassionate and the God who gives comfort. He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God.” ~2 Corinthians 1: 3-4

 

New Chapter

I am graduated. I finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration with a 4.0 GPA. I have done it. I have accomplished something I never thought would happen. I have learned so much, and made so many new friends. The challenge now, finding a job doing something I would love.

I have submitted my resume for 4 different positions. I am waiting to hear from these businesses. What is a good amount of time to wait before calling the company to learn the status of my job application? It has been so long since I have had to search for a job.

I have heard from one company and learned they are looking for someone with more experience. That’s ok. I have my head up and I am moving on to another opportunity.

It has been so long since I have felt like I could conquer the world, so to speak. The confidence I gained from these last two years is crazy. I have so many people to thank. I know I would not have this confidence about myself if it weren’t for these people and the opportunities they have given me.

I have been done for 1 week. I have applied to 5 jobs. I have been in contact with Kaplan’s Career Services, I had a meeting with a representative from CareerLink to assist in finding a job, and I have been searching for jobs on my own.

What are my plans other than job search and get the job? Well, I need to get my house back in order. The previous 10 weeks were busy, chaotic, and left me with not a lot of spare time. It is time to catch up on laundry, clean up the piles in the rooms of the house, and get everything back in order and cleaned up all around. What a time that will be.